Today, I sold my long loved Land rover. A significant moment for me.
Owning it symbolised me earning enough money to afford a luxury vehicle. It really wasn’t in any way luxurious, quite the opposite in fact! But being able to have a vehicle that I just wanted and didn’t need was a luxury. I have had so much fun with it but I decided a while ago that getting rid of it was going to be one of the consequences of taking a year off. There will be no room for luxuries then.
It is certainly sad to see it gone but I am surprised how easy it was to make the decision. My mind is starting to make very matter of fact decisions without me having to dwell on the emotional part of decision making. Those of you who know me well will know that I don’t usually make decisions quickly. I have never been very materialistic but I seem to be putting less and less importance onto physical objects, my land rover included. I have also noticed that I am finding it easier to let go of some sentimental items that I have horded after my Grandad’s and dad’s death. I haven’t really analised why yet but I can tell you that it feels good and very refreshing to not feel the need to hold onto so many things that hold good memories.
This whole experience is giving me a huge sense of freedom that I haven’t felt since my early 20’s (pre responsibility). I have felt a huge amount of responsibility for nearly 20 years and have worked really hard to take my responsibilities seriously. I think in this time there is a chance that I have taken them a little too seriously and lost the part of me that is needed to balance the serious parts of life. I am starting to feel more playful, sociable and motivated despite many of the responsibilities still being here. The difference is, I am now allowing myself the opportunity to be happy, truly happy. I broke up from work a week ago. Usually even the summer holiday would bring its own pressure; we would either being going on holiday to have a well deserved rest or I would have endless lists of people I had to catch up with or jobs and projects I needed to do around the house. I created responsibility and expectations of myself even in the holiday. Daft I know. Well, I’m pleased to say the holiday habits have changed too. This week, I just feel I have been living. Nothing too hard. Nothing too exciting. Just living. Most days have consisted of us working in the shed making things for an upcoming craft fair where I will have stool. But I felt no pressure and we have done it together as a family. The process of getting ready for the fair has been, and continues to be positive. This needs to be the focus of the year ahead….. ‘Enjoy the process, not the product’.
The Land rover was a product. Yes, I did enjoy it but I feels ok to let it go because I am starting to believe that there is deeper satisfaction in what it will allow me to do this year. It really was great but this year will be greater. It better be or I will be buying it back!